So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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