so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
