What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
