did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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