look no pants
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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