I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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