you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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