Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
