This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Randomize