Just fell off a train. Bad.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
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