At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
Randomize
