U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
there's paper in my vomit.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
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