I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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