I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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