Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
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