I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
two words...techno handjob
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I still have a little drunk in my system
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
