well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
