i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
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We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
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the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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