vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
its liver damage thursday
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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