I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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