i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I can't put those talents on a resume
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
