hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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