she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
