its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
