He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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