chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
