her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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