On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
