I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
Randomize
