awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
