Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I just gift wrapped bread.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Randomize
