I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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