Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
