Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Randomize
