how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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