yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
