just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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