I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Please don't give away my fajitas
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
