Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Randomize
