Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Randomize
