I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
they need to just BURY HIM!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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