i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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