Porn is love you can see.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
Randomize
