FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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