I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
