some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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