I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
