Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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