He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
