Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
Randomize
