If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
