you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
