She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
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