is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize