Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
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As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
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You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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