elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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