It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
