i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
