why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
