I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
