Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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