no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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