I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
