Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
