Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Randomize
