My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
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