I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
