Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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