Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
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