I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
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eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
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