so explain again why im purple
no
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
