My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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