my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
do herpes really smell.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
