Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
