having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
