Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
