I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
