Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
